After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
