That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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