Say something about gay babies.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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