It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
