Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
