This girl is more easily done than said...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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