Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
