Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
