Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
