My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
