I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
