I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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