I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
