Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
