Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
