well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
