All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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