She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
