This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
