Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
