I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
