I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Are my feet made of real feet?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
