dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
