Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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