he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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