so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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