I just made out with a guy for $7.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
