I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
