I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
