she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
