so that wasnt chicken after all
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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