There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
