I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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