i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
