we're chasing vodka with high fives
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So vagazzling was a success
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
