I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
