So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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