I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
