I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
