Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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