shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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