never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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