Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
