What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So much Jack, so little girl.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
