'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
