Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
