my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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