I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
