I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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