I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
