i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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